Life's Little Edge
by Gridmaster
Summary: Cat's trying to fight her inner demons. Rating for some intensity.


# Life's Little Edge

_Breathe in right away,  
Nothing seems to fill this place_

"Almost…there!" Cat thrust the final spike explosive home and wrapped the detonator cord around it. "Finished. How's your side, Steel?"  
"All wrapped up and waiting for you, slowpoke," Max's voice came through her earpiece.  
"Race you to the bottom. Last one down has to buy dinner."  
"You're on," Max chuckled. "Better hustle, Horton, 'cause I'm hungry!"  
Cat double-checked the attachment of her safety line then pushed away from the cliff face.  
"Cat! What are you doing?" Berto's voice rang in her ear.  
"Rappelling. What's it look like? There's no way I'm letting Steel win; I've seen him eat."  
"Your safety line isn't meant for this! It could…." His voice cut off as she tore off the earpiece.  
"Sorry, Berto. You just don't understand."

_I need this every time,  
Take your lies, get off my case_

She pushed off again, feeling the slight burn of the cord against her gloved palms, the jar as her feet touched the cliff then pushed off again. The wind whistled past her as she flew down the cliff face. An almost orgasmic rush of adrenaline flowed through her, setting her tingling._  
Just what you always needed, eh, Catherine-girl? Hits the spot, doesn't it? Did the right thing, throwing science-boy's cautions to the wind. He doesn't understand what it's like to have a hole that needs filled. But you know, don't you, Catherine-girl?_  
"Go away," she mumbled, concentrating on the descent. Push, fly, hit…repeat. Without her earpiece, she couldn't keep track of Steel's progress. It didn't matter anymore. Only the adrenaline mattered. Keep the emptiness at bay.

_Someday I will find a love  
That flows through me like this_

She pushed off again, leaning back to accelerate towards the nearing ground. Caught up in the spell of the adrenaline, wanting more, always more, she closed her eyes, focused inwards towards the singing of her soul that only happened when she pushed the edge. In that moment, she lost it. Her hands passed roughly over a weaker spot in the line. Her eyes shot open in time to see the cord fray and snap. Then she was falling.

_This will fall away  
This will fall away_

Cat watched as the cord separated. _Now it's for real_, she thought, spreading her body out to marginally slow her descent. _No more competing…final rush time. Final silence._ Accepting, she closed her eyes and prepared to meet the ground.  
Her body betrayed her mind. As she reached peace, her arms shot up, fired the grappling line attached to her wrist. The jolt on her shoulder as her fall was abruptly stopped shocked her into reality._  
No easy way out for you, Catherine-girl,_ the voice whispered in her mind as she lowered to the ground.  
"Damnit!" she howled into the wind. _Why couldn't you just let me fall?_ She rubbed her aching shoulder as her feet touched ground.  
"Cat, you okay?" Max asked, rushing to where she sat. "I'd just hit ground when I saw your line snap."  
"I'm fine," she bit out. _Leave me alone._  
"Listen, forget about the bet. It was stupid."  
"No way, Steel. I made the damn bet, I'm keeping my deal."

_You're getting closer to pushing me  
Off life's little edge  
Cause I'm a loser  
And sooner or later  
You know I'll be dead_

"I heard about the accident," Berto said, approaching her.  
Cat looked up from her lunch, eyes blazing. "Here to say, 'I told you so'?"  
The young scientist blinked. "No! I just wanted to know if you were okay."  
"If you call having a wrenched shoulder and having to wear this damned sling for a week okay, then yeah, I'm just peachy." She jabbed left-handed at her pasta.  
"You could have died out there! I'd say a wrenched shoulder was getting off easy."  
"You would." Cat threw down the plastic fork and pushed her chair back angrily. "Later."

_You're getting closer_  
_You're holding the rope  
I'm taking the fall  
Cause I'm a loser, yeah_

_ That's it, Catherine-girl. Keep him at arm's length. Push him away. You know you don't deserve the little science-boy. You could never make him happy. You can't make any man happy. You tried, didn't you? Oh, how you tried…  
_ "Leave me alone," she mumbled, fighting back tears in the corridor outside the cafeteria. "Just leave me the hell alone!"_  
He's not for you. He's too sweet, too trusting, too innocent. You'd break him in a week. Go back to your adrenaline, Catherine-girl. It's the only thing for you, now._

_This is getting old  
I can't break these chains that I hold_

"Up for a rematch, Steel?" Cat asked, looking down the side of the skyscraper they were on.  
"I don't know, Cat. You just got that sling off a few days ago."  
"Afraid?" She cocked her hip, one foot on the side of the building, challenge radiating from her.  
"Cat, just wait for Hawk," Berto's voice told her. "It'll be there soon."  
"Damnit, boys, I'm not made of glass." Cat hooked her grapple firmly on the ledge. "I'm going down." _Down, down, all the way down._ Her skin sang with anticipation. "See you on the ground." She pushed off, aiming for the ground so far below.

_My body's growing cold  
There's nothing left of this mind  
Or my soul_

"Always push it…push it," she whispered. "No room for anything else. No need for it. Just the rush. Rush…."  
She felt the familiar sensation of the adrenaline pouring in. "Who needs love?" she muttered, playing out the line._  
Liar._

_Addiction needs a pacifier  
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher_

She could feel the adrenaline building, slashing her nerve endings to a million tiny stars. It was all she had, the only sure thing in her life, the only thing she could count on, could rely on._  
Lovers are too easily tired of, Catherine-girl. And they tire too easily of you, don't they? Sex doesn't fill you anymore. Lordy knows you tried, didn't you? Have to get your jollies off a cord and a fall?_  
"Go away!" she screamed, pushing off harder. _If I get enough adrenaline, the voice will go away.  
You like the little science-boy. He's not for someone like you, Catherine-girl, not someone with your past. He'd probably pass out knowing half of what you did to meet your needs._  
"Go away! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" The adrenaline filled her body with a hunger she recognized, a hunger she'd danced with all her life…a hunger that brought out her demon.  
"Cat? Cat, is everything all right?" Berto's voice in her ear, like a lover's…like a lover she'd never have.  
"It will be."  
The knife's keen edge sheared through her grappling rope with ease.  
"You don't control me anymore," she whispered to her demon, closing her eyes and reaching peace again.

_This will fall away  
This will fall away_

_You're getting closer to pushing me  
Off life's little edge  
Cause I'm a loser  
And sooner or later, you know I'll be dead_

"You should have let me fall," Cat whispered.  
"No way. You're my partner. Just got you used to me, I don't want to train another one," Max quipped. His blue eyes grew serious. "What made you cut your line, anyway?"  
She tried to look away, winced at the pain as her neck refused to move. "Maybe I'll tell you someday."  
"Fine." Max shifted his weight, eyes darting around the room, looking at anything to keep from looking at the elaborate harness that kept Cat still.  
"Go, Steel. I know you're excited about getting Leeds back as a partner while I'm in here."  
"It's that obvious?"  
"She looked excited, too, when she stopped in."  
"Really?"  
"Go."  
When Max had left, Cat was alone with the machines, ticking away increments of her life. They lulled her into a trance-like state, barely aware of her surroundings. She dozed, startling awake at the clink of glass against metal.  
"Owww," she moaned, having moved too quickly when she woke.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Cat opened her eyes and looked up to see Berto standing by her bed. On her table was a vase with a single flower.  
"Why are you here?" she asked.  
"If you don't want me here, I'll go."  
"No…no, stay. Please?" She held her breath, waiting for her demon to speak, to ruin the moment. "I'm sorry for sniping at you."  
"You're in pain; it's expected."  
"There's more. I…I can't talk about it now, but maybe someday…."  
"I heard you over your earpiece when you fell."  
Cat blinked. _Oh, yeah._ "Oh…yeah," she said weakly.  
"Who were you arguing with?"_  
My past. My demons._ "It's…a long story."  
"I have time."  
"Berto…not now. I can't talk about it now. It's still raw."  
"Okay." He seemed to accept that as an answer. "I just…just wanted to bring you this, and say, I hope you heal quickly." He moved the vase closer to her bed so she could see the flower better.  
A single rose, pale pink with deeper color at the edges sat in the fluid-looking glass. "It's beautiful," she admitted. "Thank you."  
"Team Steel won't be the same while you're gone." Berto hesitated, then quickly dropped a fleeting kiss on her forehead. "I'll miss you." Just as quickly, he was gone.

_You're getting closer  
You're holding the rope, and  
I'm taking the fall_

Cat moved the one arm she was allowed to move, took the rose from the vase and brought it to her nose. Closing her eyes, she waited for the demon to surface, to tell her she wasn't worthy. It never came.  
She fell asleep holding the rose close to her cheek, and holding Berto's quick, hesitant, sweet kiss close to her heart.

_Author's Note: No, I don't know Cat's real last name. I gave her Horton because...well, it's really a long story, and sort of an in-joke mainly for me. If you really want to know, drop me a line and I'll explain my convoluted reasoning. Also, I know the site calls her Kat, but I'm sticking with the "C" spelling for now; you'll find out why in a later fic. Again, I don't own Max Steel or any characters or situations in that show. I don't own the song "Loser," by 3 Doors Down.  
This fic was mainly my anti-Valentine's Day feelings breaking through with a touch of redemption at the end._


End file.
